OMG! I have "IT"

So I have Breast Cancer, now what?  Last Friday I went for a Biopsy of the right breast.  The procedure itself was painless.  The anticipation of having it done caused me great anxiety the days preceding the procedure.  After being there for a few hours I was able to go home with a ice pack in my bra and hope for the best when I get my results after the weekend.  I really do not know what I was thinking?  I figured the "mass" which the Radiologist called a lesion - not a tumor, would be benign and I can a have a simple surgical procedure to have it removed!

Monday comes and I am a little not really worried, and the Radiologist calls me at 4:30 pm (as soon as I come home from picking up the kids from school).  She says  "I have you results from the Biopsy and unfortunately you have Breast Cancer.  I'm sorry Raquel."

I don't know how I managed to muster the words - "it's ok, it's not your fault".  She says, well the good news is - it is only 1 cm big and with all the new technology we have for Breast Cancer - it is treatable!  You already know at this point everything she is telling me sounds like Charlie Brown.  The Radiologist proceeds to give me a few phone numbers of some Breast Surgeons/Specialist.  Then she asks if I have any questions, (which by now my thoughts are numb) - and if I need anything to call her.
I hang up the phone took a deep breath and started to make some phone calls to these Breast Surgeons that the Radiologist referred me to.

I am not the kind of person who freaks out as soon as I get some bad news, because it takes me a minute (or actually a few days), to process what is really going on.  So of course, it is almost 5 pm at this time and the offices are closing and the receptionists who kindly answers the phone says, she will return my call tomorrow or I can call her.  I tell her to call me ( because I am thinking in the back of my mind - this is all a bad dream and when I wake up tomorrow its' going to be all good.)

At this point I tell my husband who is non-reactive and he says, everything is going to be all right!  I was so annoyed with him at this point that everything he said after that sounded like the Muppets.  A little later, I have to tell my mother.  I can not even describe the look on her face - not shocked, not upset, not worried - more like PISSED?  And here I am thinking again, she is mad at me because of my cigarette smoking.  She pulls out her big bottle of wine from her little purse and after a moment, asks me what the doctor said and what's next.  I do not know if she was trying to process this news or what?!

Anyway, as my husband and her start to chat and I patiently ignore them - I am on my laptop looking for additional info and decided to join an online support group for those with Breast Cancer. I needed someone to talk to or to listen to who had experience and knew what I was going through.  Because I already knew calling people with this shit, was going to blow their minds; and I did not want to hear anyone crying because Rocky is trying to stay strong (and be non-emotional).  

So I started to have vodka shots - and let me say I do not know how many but I remained sober.
Then next day ( Tuesday) when I take my oldest son to school, some of the parents asked did I get my results.  Confidently I tell them 'Yes' and I have "IT".  This is why it is not always good to tell people what is going on in your life.  The horrified look on their faces - INDESCRIBABLE.  One parent was so distraught she had to go back home because she said she forgot what she had to do that day.  Inside I was laughing at her (I don't know why?), but I felt sorry for her.

When I return home, I get a call from my (PCP) Primary Care Physician - who asked if  I needed any help making appointments and if I needed someone to talk to I can come on in.  I do not know about you, but I really do not want to tell  anyone - but I do need someone to talk to...{There is actually a woman I met online in that support group who told me that as soon as she found out she called all her family and friends?!  And their  reactions made her feel worse.}  And being that I did not know how to tell people about "IT" I decide to write about it in my Blog.

And for those who know about Breast Cancer, I have Ductal Carcinoma but not sure if it is Invasive or the other kind.  And for those who do not know about Breast Cancer, there are about 4 different kinds and of course the Stages, but I will not know which until I meet with the (BS) Breast Specialist until next week...

So I hope all of you will join me in this JOURNEY of Prayer, Love and Hope...

The Update

Last post I mention that I had a Mammogram for the first time three weeks before my birthday.  They found a "mass" in my right breast, and I had to wait over a month for my next follow-up appointment.  So I went to the follow-up appointment for additional testing, and during the Sonogram of the right breast they found the "abnormal mass."  The Radiologist then hands me a yellow folder with the information concerning the abnormality of this "mass."  She then proceeds to inform me that I need a Biopsy as soon as possible; with the contact information needed to make the appointment - all in this yellow folder.  I take a deep breath and during my walk home, so many things are swimming around in my head.  First - was to get home and eat before I drop (as well as my sugar), make the biopsy appointment, and pick-up the kids.  Beyond that I could not think!  My thoughts are numb as well as my emotions.

This all happened Wednesday morning and by the evening my PCP was calling to check up on me.  She had seen the results from the additional Mammogram and the Sonogram, and wanted to make sure I made the appointment for the Biopsy.  Not to mention she gives me a number for a referral for the Breast Surgeon?  As I speak to the receptionist at the Breast Surgeon's office, she informs me I can not make an appointment for the Beast Specialist/Surgeon without a diagnosis from the results of the Biopsy.  Apparently my PCP is anticipating surgery as a result from the Dx from the Biopsy and wanted to put a rush on everything.  So of course this all has me wondering - is there something they are speculating without informing me?!  And do I really want to know!

This is all nerve wrecking and has my stomach performing flip-flops.  My Biopsy is scheduled for Friday which gives me the 24-48 hours of rest I need over the weekend before the following school week.  Not to mention, the upcoming Thanksgiving Holiday...

The last thing I want to hear is the I have the Big C right before Christmas...