OMG! I have "IT"

So I have Breast Cancer, now what?  Last Friday I went for a Biopsy of the right breast.  The procedure itself was painless.  The anticipation of having it done caused me great anxiety the days preceding the procedure.  After being there for a few hours I was able to go home with a ice pack in my bra and hope for the best when I get my results after the weekend.  I really do not know what I was thinking?  I figured the "mass" which the Radiologist called a lesion - not a tumor, would be benign and I can a have a simple surgical procedure to have it removed!

Monday comes and I am a little not really worried, and the Radiologist calls me at 4:30 pm (as soon as I come home from picking up the kids from school).  She says  "I have you results from the Biopsy and unfortunately you have Breast Cancer.  I'm sorry Raquel."

I don't know how I managed to muster the words - "it's ok, it's not your fault".  She says, well the good news is - it is only 1 cm big and with all the new technology we have for Breast Cancer - it is treatable!  You already know at this point everything she is telling me sounds like Charlie Brown.  The Radiologist proceeds to give me a few phone numbers of some Breast Surgeons/Specialist.  Then she asks if I have any questions, (which by now my thoughts are numb) - and if I need anything to call her.
I hang up the phone took a deep breath and started to make some phone calls to these Breast Surgeons that the Radiologist referred me to.

I am not the kind of person who freaks out as soon as I get some bad news, because it takes me a minute (or actually a few days), to process what is really going on.  So of course, it is almost 5 pm at this time and the offices are closing and the receptionists who kindly answers the phone says, she will return my call tomorrow or I can call her.  I tell her to call me ( because I am thinking in the back of my mind - this is all a bad dream and when I wake up tomorrow its' going to be all good.)

At this point I tell my husband who is non-reactive and he says, everything is going to be all right!  I was so annoyed with him at this point that everything he said after that sounded like the Muppets.  A little later, I have to tell my mother.  I can not even describe the look on her face - not shocked, not upset, not worried - more like PISSED?  And here I am thinking again, she is mad at me because of my cigarette smoking.  She pulls out her big bottle of wine from her little purse and after a moment, asks me what the doctor said and what's next.  I do not know if she was trying to process this news or what?!

Anyway, as my husband and her start to chat and I patiently ignore them - I am on my laptop looking for additional info and decided to join an online support group for those with Breast Cancer. I needed someone to talk to or to listen to who had experience and knew what I was going through.  Because I already knew calling people with this shit, was going to blow their minds; and I did not want to hear anyone crying because Rocky is trying to stay strong (and be non-emotional).  

So I started to have vodka shots - and let me say I do not know how many but I remained sober.
Then next day ( Tuesday) when I take my oldest son to school, some of the parents asked did I get my results.  Confidently I tell them 'Yes' and I have "IT".  This is why it is not always good to tell people what is going on in your life.  The horrified look on their faces - INDESCRIBABLE.  One parent was so distraught she had to go back home because she said she forgot what she had to do that day.  Inside I was laughing at her (I don't know why?), but I felt sorry for her.

When I return home, I get a call from my (PCP) Primary Care Physician - who asked if  I needed any help making appointments and if I needed someone to talk to I can come on in.  I do not know about you, but I really do not want to tell  anyone - but I do need someone to talk to...{There is actually a woman I met online in that support group who told me that as soon as she found out she called all her family and friends?!  And their  reactions made her feel worse.}  And being that I did not know how to tell people about "IT" I decide to write about it in my Blog.

And for those who know about Breast Cancer, I have Ductal Carcinoma but not sure if it is Invasive or the other kind.  And for those who do not know about Breast Cancer, there are about 4 different kinds and of course the Stages, but I will not know which until I meet with the (BS) Breast Specialist until next week...

So I hope all of you will join me in this JOURNEY of Prayer, Love and Hope...