I so enjoy the days following Christmas! There is no more anticipation, anxiety, plenty of leftovers, and an abundance of toys to keep the children busy during their vacation. I do not have to worry about the early morning rush to school; and since the kids are home busy with their Christmas gifts - they don't pester me about boredom. Everyone is content and that means more time for me to relax and do what I want.
However, the only little problem I have about the Christmas break for the kids is the vacation homework! Whatever happened to our days of Christmas vacation where not only did we have two weeks off, but there was no homework packet? Now the kids have only one week off and a homework packet that can lasts for two weeks. There goes my relaxation...
I am just elated that the kids completed their homework packet by Christmas Eve! And of course their new tablets and X-box games and a whole bunch of toys their grandparents gave them - keeps them quite busy and quiet. (I also made sure their tablets were downloaded with a Math app and has an e-reader in which I loaded with required reading books. :) )
Therefore they have until the day after New Years for FREE time. And now I can enjoy my Coquito...
As Always - Happy Holidays and Be Safe!!
Thursday, December 27, 2012
Monday, December 24, 2012
The Night Before Christmas
As I sit here exhausted with excitement, I too can not wait for Santa to arrive tomorrow night! Every year I scramble my little money and try to get the best Christmas gifts for my little Elves. Usually my mother makes up for the difference - and thank God for her! I like to see a lot of presents wrapped under the tree for the boys. Being that my Christmas list for relatives gets unusually shorter every year, seeing a whole bunch of gifts under my tree is not highly in probable.
I remember as a child my father playing Santa every year for the family. I think the adults were more excited than the cousins. My father even had a large red bag for all the presents. Long gone are the days of Christmas past. As we lose more family members, relatives tend to forego the Holiday tradition of everyone getting together. It is also very expensive! Although everyone brings a tray of food, there is still the financial burden of purchasing gifts for everyone. And even though it is an unspoken gesture, ironically the family just buys gifts for the young children or for anyone under the age of 18 years old.
I shamefully admit how I missed the family gathering for the Holidays, despite the unstable economy and the financial woes. Whatever happened to "it is better to give than receive?" I personally am at an age where the looks on my children's faces is priceless!
I mean after all isn't that what Christmas is all about....
Wishing you & your family a very Merry Christmas, Feliz Navidad, Noche Buena, Happy Kwanza, and the most Happiest of Holidays!! .. ... ...
I remember as a child my father playing Santa every year for the family. I think the adults were more excited than the cousins. My father even had a large red bag for all the presents. Long gone are the days of Christmas past. As we lose more family members, relatives tend to forego the Holiday tradition of everyone getting together. It is also very expensive! Although everyone brings a tray of food, there is still the financial burden of purchasing gifts for everyone. And even though it is an unspoken gesture, ironically the family just buys gifts for the young children or for anyone under the age of 18 years old.
I shamefully admit how I missed the family gathering for the Holidays, despite the unstable economy and the financial woes. Whatever happened to "it is better to give than receive?" I personally am at an age where the looks on my children's faces is priceless!
I mean after all isn't that what Christmas is all about....
Wishing you & your family a very Merry Christmas, Feliz Navidad, Noche Buena, Happy Kwanza, and the most Happiest of Holidays!! .. ... ...
Sunday, December 16, 2012
UNFATHOMABLE TRAGEDY - Shooting at an Elementary School
During the past few days, the news and media are discussing the shooting at an elementary school in CT. Horrific is more likely the word to describe the scene of this tragedy. Twenty children murdered and six adults - not including the shooter who committed suicide after his rampage and his own mother prior to this insanity.
This is probably a mothers or fathers worst nightmare! We rush to drop our children off to school in the morning in order for us to get to work in a timely manner. Not one thought given to the safety of our children. Early Friday morning on the 14th, ten days before Christmas - twenty parents after arriving at work and settling into their daily schedule received that call. "There was an emergency at the school, please come immediately!" The fear that enters every parents' mind - WHAT HAPPENED?! Nothing can come close to their minds with what those parents were greeted with as they enter the vicinity of their child's school. Rescue vehicles, Ambulances, Bomb Squad, Fire Dept., Police Dept., FBI and men in tactical gear is what surrounded an elementary school in a quiet suburban area. All those parents were told to go to the Firehouse Station that was across the way from the school - to pick up your child or to be told that your child was one of the victims! The anxiety, the panic, the anguish, that sick feeling in the pit of your stomach and the sheer terror one must feel taking those steps from the road entering the school towards the Fire Station. Then to realize that your child is NOT one of those victims and the relief comes pouring out in tears as you hug your child...
Twenty parents were NOT fortunate! Twenty mothers were told their precious child will never come home! Twenty families are now left with a void for the rest of their life. There will be at least twenty gifts unopened under the Christmas Tree for the next 40 years!
"There are no words" told to a news reporter by one of the "lucky" parents who said what can you say to a parent that was NOT "so lucky"...
Charlotte Bacon, 6
Daniel Barden, 7
Rachel Davino, 29
Olivia Engel, 6
Josephine Gay, 7
Ana Marquez-Greene, 6
Dylan Hockley, 6
Dawn Hocksprung, 47
Madeline Hsu, 6
Catherine Hubbard, 6
Chase Kowalski, 7
Jesse Lewis, 6
James Mattioli, 6
Grace McDonnell, 7
Anne Marie Murphy, 52
Emilie Parker, 6
Jack Pinto, 6
Noah Pozner, 6
Caroline Previdi, 6
Jessica Rekos, 6
Avielle Richman, 6
Lauren Rousseau, 30
Mary Sherlach, 56
Victoria Soto, 27
Benjamin Wheeler, 6
Allison Wyatt, 6
MAY YOU ALL REST IN PEACE...
Monday, December 10, 2012
My Son's Birthday
I think perhaps I expect too much from family or friends when it comes to my son's birthday?! My son was born three months premature on what would have been my sister's 29th birthday. It is also my ex mother-in-law's anniversary of her passing. Not only do my family and friends know when my sister passed, so do her friends. So as everyone post comments on my FB page about my sister's passing and what would have been her 38th birthday - I think to myself why does not anyone wish my son a Happy Birthday? I mean after all he is here and my sister is not? Perhaps, I am too selfish? As Christians we do no longer celebrate one's birthday after they pass. We do however, celebrate the anniversary of their passing. Although it sounds a bit morbid, that is how it is suppose to be...
My sister passed in August 2003, and my ex mother-in-law passed in 2001 five months after I gave birth to my first born son - a stillborn. So even if my own family or sisters' friends forget in their grief that it is my son's birthday, I expect my ex in-laws to remember. Perhaps because I am divorced and conceived the pregnancy during the divorce of my ex-spouse, (I also have a DNA test to prove that it is his son) - that is why my son does not receive a phone call for his birthday. I have no communication with my ex-spouse due to my own personal feelings and due to his incarceration. Since I am re-married, my present spouse raised my son as his own, and my son is unaware of the situation. Of course my ex in-laws are not in agreeance with this situation. But so far in the past 9 years of my son's life they have never given him anything - not a gift, not a bottle, a can of milk, pampers, onesies or anything. They did offer to visit and I thought that was a bit "shallow" of them since they have never visited me when I was first married. Of course it would be better if I visited them so I can leave promptly instead of vice-versa when they can possibly take their time exiting. But if the visits are going to be seldom - maybe once a year, why bother opening this door to my son when it would just confuse him? As it is, I receive a phone call from them once-a-year, just for an update. Not they are concerned or anything, but for them to be nosy! The ex in-laws want to know if I have returned to work, where does my current husband works, and to ask a question about my youngest son who is autistic.
I recently decided to de-friend the ex in-laws from my FB page! I mean why bother to call if you can just visit my page and find all the info you want? Unknowingly to my husband, I had them on my profile for a few years, including my ex step-daughter, who is currently pregnant. I decided I did not want to be bothered (or even hurt) to see my ex in-laws pouring their attention to my ex step-daughter and forget all about my son! I even blocked them from my page - so if they wanted to "hear" from me, they would have to initiate the call. Or am I suppose to call them and let them know what's going on?!
In any event, why would anyone call on my son's birthday...
My sister passed in August 2003, and my ex mother-in-law passed in 2001 five months after I gave birth to my first born son - a stillborn. So even if my own family or sisters' friends forget in their grief that it is my son's birthday, I expect my ex in-laws to remember. Perhaps because I am divorced and conceived the pregnancy during the divorce of my ex-spouse, (I also have a DNA test to prove that it is his son) - that is why my son does not receive a phone call for his birthday. I have no communication with my ex-spouse due to my own personal feelings and due to his incarceration. Since I am re-married, my present spouse raised my son as his own, and my son is unaware of the situation. Of course my ex in-laws are not in agreeance with this situation. But so far in the past 9 years of my son's life they have never given him anything - not a gift, not a bottle, a can of milk, pampers, onesies or anything. They did offer to visit and I thought that was a bit "shallow" of them since they have never visited me when I was first married. Of course it would be better if I visited them so I can leave promptly instead of vice-versa when they can possibly take their time exiting. But if the visits are going to be seldom - maybe once a year, why bother opening this door to my son when it would just confuse him? As it is, I receive a phone call from them once-a-year, just for an update. Not they are concerned or anything, but for them to be nosy! The ex in-laws want to know if I have returned to work, where does my current husband works, and to ask a question about my youngest son who is autistic.
I recently decided to de-friend the ex in-laws from my FB page! I mean why bother to call if you can just visit my page and find all the info you want? Unknowingly to my husband, I had them on my profile for a few years, including my ex step-daughter, who is currently pregnant. I decided I did not want to be bothered (or even hurt) to see my ex in-laws pouring their attention to my ex step-daughter and forget all about my son! I even blocked them from my page - so if they wanted to "hear" from me, they would have to initiate the call. Or am I suppose to call them and let them know what's going on?!
In any event, why would anyone call on my son's birthday...
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
November 28th...
Today would have been my sister Lina's 38th birthday! She has been gone now for 9 years. However, I do not have to keep track of this time because my son - Martin was born on her birthday (three months after she passed). This is what some would call the bitter-sweet? Not really sure what that means, but I often hear people express that to me. Am I supposed to be happy today or sad? I can not help to laugh when I look at my son at times and his mannerisms and gestures are so much like my sister! What is even more hysterical is when my sister said one time "when she died she wanted to come back as a man" and seek her revenge. lol. Only those close to us would understand that remark.
During this time, I also think of the emptiness my nephew must be feeling! I try to empathize and/or sympathize with him. Now at 18 years old, all one would see is a hollow shell. A good kid who has lost his way in life - literally. No soul; a look of being misplaced and mistaken. One can only reason with him to see that the only reasoning is PRAYER. Lately, I feel that is all I can do. I can not help to contemplate on the past 9 years - what could I've done, what should I've done, and more importantly - what can I do NOW?!
For the past 9 years, family and friends have come and gone! Nothing has changed, nothing new. I realized in my ignorance I could not expect people to do what they were not doing all along. At one point, I found myself apologizing for people's lack of support and ignorance - when I too was to blame. But I won't take all the blame!
So I go on and celebrate LIFE (my son's life) the way my sister would have wanted it. And continue to pray earnestly for my nephew...
During this time, I also think of the emptiness my nephew must be feeling! I try to empathize and/or sympathize with him. Now at 18 years old, all one would see is a hollow shell. A good kid who has lost his way in life - literally. No soul; a look of being misplaced and mistaken. One can only reason with him to see that the only reasoning is PRAYER. Lately, I feel that is all I can do. I can not help to contemplate on the past 9 years - what could I've done, what should I've done, and more importantly - what can I do NOW?!
For the past 9 years, family and friends have come and gone! Nothing has changed, nothing new. I realized in my ignorance I could not expect people to do what they were not doing all along. At one point, I found myself apologizing for people's lack of support and ignorance - when I too was to blame. But I won't take all the blame!
So I go on and celebrate LIFE (my son's life) the way my sister would have wanted it. And continue to pray earnestly for my nephew...
Thursday, November 22, 2012
Being THANKFUL!!
Every morning during my prayer rituals, I usually start off with "THANKING all my Angels & Saints, all my Guiding & Protecting Spirits, all Ancestors, and all my deceased friends & love ones - that have died & are watching over us, guarding us & protecting us on a daily basis." I also THANK them for the gift of my life (I almost died twice), the gift of my health (I have almost reversed my diabetes), the gift of my 2 sons (I was told that I would not be able to have kids), the gift of nephew (his mother - my sister - died 9 years ago), and I thank them for the well-being of my parents (a lot of people my age have already lost both parents if not one). So I have a lot to be GRATEFUL for...
And during this particular time, I reflect upon so many people who are homeless or do not have enough food. Also, the victims of Hurricane Sandy that have been totally displaced from their homes. Some still do not have power, heat or electricity and are unable to cook a Thanksgiving meal for their family. So I have a lot to be GRATEFUL for...
This time next year I will be in my own home! I will probably relocate to another state. My children will finally have their own rooms and my nephew too. And they will finally have a backyard to play & possibly a pool. Although it has been a great struggle for me these past 9 years - I have so much to be GRATEFUL for...
What are you GRATEFUL for?
Thanksgiving 2011
And during this particular time, I reflect upon so many people who are homeless or do not have enough food. Also, the victims of Hurricane Sandy that have been totally displaced from their homes. Some still do not have power, heat or electricity and are unable to cook a Thanksgiving meal for their family. So I have a lot to be GRATEFUL for...
This time next year I will be in my own home! I will probably relocate to another state. My children will finally have their own rooms and my nephew too. And they will finally have a backyard to play & possibly a pool. Although it has been a great struggle for me these past 9 years - I have so much to be GRATEFUL for...
What are you GRATEFUL for?
Thanksgiving 2011
Monday, November 19, 2012
Pre-Thanksgiving - Childhood Memories
As I child I remembered the Holidays being a special time for Family get-togethers. It was such a joyous occasion. I could not wait to see cousins I have not seen in a year; the delicious aroma of the food cooking in my mother's kitchen or my aunts' house; the drive to see relatives with anticipation; the music playing so loudly you can hear it down the halls; and the sweet sound of children laughing. Long time since those days of anticipation to see Family - relatives, cousins, aunts or just an old family friend. Now the sentiment is more like anxiety of not being bothered with that nosy aunt, drunk uncle, or obnoxious cousin - always bragging about something as they have "arrived."
As we got older and our parents divorced, the Holidays never seem the same. The relatives and cousins gave us a "pity" look. We were fine with the divorce but the aunts seem to act concerned. Never any words of encouragement but a sympathetic look that actually looked pathetic. Oddly enough, the cousins whom never had a two-parent household - sarcastically had that "welcome to my world" facial expression. We were already teenagers by then, so at that point we would tell one side of the family we would be with the other side of the family & vice-versa. While our parents were spending time with their new dates, we would spend time with our friends' family or have friends come over that were in a similar situation. Excitingly, that worked well for years! There were no false pretenses, no strange looks, no awful comments from cousins - just us being ourselves and not having to answer anyone.
Fast forward to the future - as we became older and became parents ourselves, we spent most of our Holidays with our own families at home. Sometimes we would all come together with our siblings, children, and perhaps in-laws. At times it would be fun, and at times it would seem like a lot of work!
Presently, my sister has past; my aunt (mother's sister) relocated with her family to FL; my other aunt (father's sister) has also passed - & her adult children spend it among themselves; my father's other sister spends the Holiday with her daughter in FL as well; my father's oldest brother has also relocated to FL to be with his adult children; my father's youngest brother - when he does not fly to visit his estranged wife in FL, stays in NY with his buddies; and I'm okay with it.
I spend the Holidays with whom I enjoy to be around - my children, my divorced parents of 30 years, my wonderful nephew (sister's son) and my baby daddy (whom I have known for over 20 years). Long gone are those first childhood memories but memories I am making for my sons...
As we got older and our parents divorced, the Holidays never seem the same. The relatives and cousins gave us a "pity" look. We were fine with the divorce but the aunts seem to act concerned. Never any words of encouragement but a sympathetic look that actually looked pathetic. Oddly enough, the cousins whom never had a two-parent household - sarcastically had that "welcome to my world" facial expression. We were already teenagers by then, so at that point we would tell one side of the family we would be with the other side of the family & vice-versa. While our parents were spending time with their new dates, we would spend time with our friends' family or have friends come over that were in a similar situation. Excitingly, that worked well for years! There were no false pretenses, no strange looks, no awful comments from cousins - just us being ourselves and not having to answer anyone.
Fast forward to the future - as we became older and became parents ourselves, we spent most of our Holidays with our own families at home. Sometimes we would all come together with our siblings, children, and perhaps in-laws. At times it would be fun, and at times it would seem like a lot of work!
Presently, my sister has past; my aunt (mother's sister) relocated with her family to FL; my other aunt (father's sister) has also passed - & her adult children spend it among themselves; my father's other sister spends the Holiday with her daughter in FL as well; my father's oldest brother has also relocated to FL to be with his adult children; my father's youngest brother - when he does not fly to visit his estranged wife in FL, stays in NY with his buddies; and I'm okay with it.
I spend the Holidays with whom I enjoy to be around - my children, my divorced parents of 30 years, my wonderful nephew (sister's son) and my baby daddy (whom I have known for over 20 years). Long gone are those first childhood memories but memories I am making for my sons...
Thursday, November 8, 2012
My 2 Cents/Sense
I posted on Fb 2 days ago: when I was younger my parents warned me not to discuss Politics, $, or Religion. I don't talk about my $ to anyone because it's none of their business; I don't debate about Politics because it will turn your best friend into your bitter enemy; & as for Religion - we can discuss that peacefully.
It kind of bothered me that people who have been friends for years took this Election so personal that they stopped being friends with one another? That's why you don't discuss Politics! (Unless you can back up your viewpoint or you have "leather skin.") If you know your friends, if they are truly your friends, then you should have known at some point their Religious/Political affiliation. Perhaps your "so-called" friend is a closet racists? Although I voted in the Election on Tuesday, as I do every election since I was 18, I did not see how either candidate was going to help me - part of the poor class! One talked about rebuilding the middle class, while the other talked about tax breaks for the rich.
My father who does not have a high school education, retired early from Con Ed & is considered Middle Class. He worked hard, saved his $, & made smart, sound investments. He owns a Condo in Harlem and property in PA. My mother who has a degree has been struggling with stable employment for the past 5 years. She was once in the Middle Class category & is now classified as the "working poor." In regards to myself, the same welfare center I worked as a Caseworker for NYC/HRA-Dept. Social Service - I am now a client/participant. I could have remained at my job & been promoted to supervisor, but I made a choice to be a stay-at-home mom. Both my sons were born prematurely, & I knew the youngest was having developmental delays. If I remained a working class citizen, I would not have been eligible to receive all the assistance that comes with SSI/medicaid. Not to mention, I would have to find a childcare provider who would allow 4 therapist from Early Intervention to come into their home on a daily basis to work with my son. I am not making up excuses, but giving you my facts! Six years later, my autistic child is doing better than my 9 y/o in Catholic School. Therefore I do not regret my decision.
Not once have I asked any one of my friends for $, unless I really needed it. (And that's probably about 3 family members.) People who really know me, know how I frivolous I was with $. If I had it - you had it too. The one friend I did ask, turned me down politely and I understood. However, this same friend a year later, jokingly asked me "when was I getting off his dollar?" - In reference to me receiving Public Assistance. I was hurt, mortified , & shocked to say the least. But I kindly replied I was using my parents' tax dollars. We still remain friends...
And for those who think people on welfare are "getting over" on the system, impossible! I'm here to tell you from personal experience, who worked for the system for 9 years & now I'm a client. And for those "friends" on my page who forgot where they came from; whose parents/grandparents never received food stamps or medicaid; & does not have at least one family member living in the "hood;" let me break it down. Add up my grocery receipts & subtract that from my food stamps. Now take my son's monthly SSI check & subtract my NYCHA rent, my Time Warner Cable, my cell phone (the free phone my older son uses), & my oldest son's tuition (in which he receives 75% from the Cardinal Scholarship Fund). I also forgot to mention 1 credit card bill, my own tuition expenses from CUNY, & transportation costs to take my oldest son to school (in which he has a 1/2 fare metro-card). We are not even talking about uniforms for school (both public & private), school shoes, sneakers & boots (from Payless), and winter coats & jackets. Oh and yes - the baby daddy helps; along with a $140 stipend I receive from welfare every 2 weeks. That is how I manage to get by every month. I get my hair done maybe twice a year - for my Birthday & Mother's Day. I barely have my nails done monthly because I bite them so often...
So the next time you decide to talk about welfare recipients, people in the projects, or those people in the "hood," - think about your dear friend - yours truly.
If this was 20 years ago, I would have knocked on your door, as soon as you decided to talk recklessly out your mouth! But because I am older, wiser, and a mother - I really don't have the time, the energy, nor patience for people's non-sense...
In this day in age, very few things shock me or even matter to me. If it doesn't concern my children, or my budget, then so be it...
Like I told a co-worker of mine, "you never know when you will be standing on the other side of that window" ...
And while I'm finishing my ranting & raving, I'm going to put it out there: I don't have a problem with white people. However, I do have issues with both Blacks & Puerto Ricans - who forgot their families' humble beginnings; and now mock others, but yet call themselves Christians? And for those Blacks & Puerto Ricans who are the original "Cosby kids" - I humbly apologize!
God Bless You All!
Ache'
It kind of bothered me that people who have been friends for years took this Election so personal that they stopped being friends with one another? That's why you don't discuss Politics! (Unless you can back up your viewpoint or you have "leather skin.") If you know your friends, if they are truly your friends, then you should have known at some point their Religious/Political affiliation. Perhaps your "so-called" friend is a closet racists? Although I voted in the Election on Tuesday, as I do every election since I was 18, I did not see how either candidate was going to help me - part of the poor class! One talked about rebuilding the middle class, while the other talked about tax breaks for the rich.
My father who does not have a high school education, retired early from Con Ed & is considered Middle Class. He worked hard, saved his $, & made smart, sound investments. He owns a Condo in Harlem and property in PA. My mother who has a degree has been struggling with stable employment for the past 5 years. She was once in the Middle Class category & is now classified as the "working poor." In regards to myself, the same welfare center I worked as a Caseworker for NYC/HRA-Dept. Social Service - I am now a client/participant. I could have remained at my job & been promoted to supervisor, but I made a choice to be a stay-at-home mom. Both my sons were born prematurely, & I knew the youngest was having developmental delays. If I remained a working class citizen, I would not have been eligible to receive all the assistance that comes with SSI/medicaid. Not to mention, I would have to find a childcare provider who would allow 4 therapist from Early Intervention to come into their home on a daily basis to work with my son. I am not making up excuses, but giving you my facts! Six years later, my autistic child is doing better than my 9 y/o in Catholic School. Therefore I do not regret my decision.
Not once have I asked any one of my friends for $, unless I really needed it. (And that's probably about 3 family members.) People who really know me, know how I frivolous I was with $. If I had it - you had it too. The one friend I did ask, turned me down politely and I understood. However, this same friend a year later, jokingly asked me "when was I getting off his dollar?" - In reference to me receiving Public Assistance. I was hurt, mortified , & shocked to say the least. But I kindly replied I was using my parents' tax dollars. We still remain friends...
And for those who think people on welfare are "getting over" on the system, impossible! I'm here to tell you from personal experience, who worked for the system for 9 years & now I'm a client. And for those "friends" on my page who forgot where they came from; whose parents/grandparents never received food stamps or medicaid; & does not have at least one family member living in the "hood;" let me break it down. Add up my grocery receipts & subtract that from my food stamps. Now take my son's monthly SSI check & subtract my NYCHA rent, my Time Warner Cable, my cell phone (the free phone my older son uses), & my oldest son's tuition (in which he receives 75% from the Cardinal Scholarship Fund). I also forgot to mention 1 credit card bill, my own tuition expenses from CUNY, & transportation costs to take my oldest son to school (in which he has a 1/2 fare metro-card). We are not even talking about uniforms for school (both public & private), school shoes, sneakers & boots (from Payless), and winter coats & jackets. Oh and yes - the baby daddy helps; along with a $140 stipend I receive from welfare every 2 weeks. That is how I manage to get by every month. I get my hair done maybe twice a year - for my Birthday & Mother's Day. I barely have my nails done monthly because I bite them so often...
So the next time you decide to talk about welfare recipients, people in the projects, or those people in the "hood," - think about your dear friend - yours truly.
If this was 20 years ago, I would have knocked on your door, as soon as you decided to talk recklessly out your mouth! But because I am older, wiser, and a mother - I really don't have the time, the energy, nor patience for people's non-sense...
In this day in age, very few things shock me or even matter to me. If it doesn't concern my children, or my budget, then so be it...
Like I told a co-worker of mine, "you never know when you will be standing on the other side of that window" ...
And while I'm finishing my ranting & raving, I'm going to put it out there: I don't have a problem with white people. However, I do have issues with both Blacks & Puerto Ricans - who forgot their families' humble beginnings; and now mock others, but yet call themselves Christians? And for those Blacks & Puerto Ricans who are the original "Cosby kids" - I humbly apologize!
God Bless You All!
Ache'
Monday, November 5, 2012
Hurricane Sandy - Part II
The Aftermath of Hurricane Sandy is devastating to say the least! I been glued to my chair since the Hurricane was heading up our way on the East Coast. It hit New Jersey and New York on October 29th with winds that knocked down several trees at once in many areas, knocking down power lines and causing power outages - which looked like a "black out." The storm surge which caused massive flooding, to the point where high-rise buildings in the NYC area were in 6-9 feet of water; completely submerged basements and water rising to first floor apartments. Homes floated out to sea and/or winds that relocated homes to another area. Shores lines no longer existed in the Jersey Shore, Far Rockaway, Coney Island and other bay areas - not to mention Atlantic City swallowed in water. In one area in Queens - Breezy Point, after flooding began and while the water/ storm surges began to rise > power lines went down and caused a massive fire that spread to 111 homes! It is just pictures after photos with horrifying scenes of an apocalyptic nature. Temporary shelters had to be evacuated because of additional flooding and/or lack of power; not to mention hospitals had to be evacuated as well because of these same concerns, with back-up generators failing due to the floods.
In these days after the Hurricane, it is just as chaotic. MTA put up a contingency plan that allowed buses to bring riders/customers to and from the city - for free; which resulted in lines of an hour or more. In a few days after the MTA transit plan, there is now a gas shortage, but not entirely. The gasoline stations have no electricity to pump fuel into vehicles and the ones that did have gas, ran out quickly because people were using the gas to fuel their generators. The shortage of gas came when fuel trucks had no way to enter the two states (NJ/NY) by land or sea. The harbors that would receive fuel/gas by sea, were closed because of potential dangers and a lack of a shore-line. Then came the weather conditions with plummeting temperatures around 30 degrees, which can cause hypothermia especially in a home without power, heat or hot water.
In the meantime, residents of NY & NJ screaming and crying for HELP! They ALL needed assistance with food, water, and shelter - our basic necessities. Some residents saying they have not had food or water for days; not to mention the power outages which are said to last an additional week or two, already without power/electricity for a week. A lack of power/ electricity meant food spoiling in the refrigerator, no gas to cook, no water to bathe or drink, and no heat with the temperatures going down to below 30 degrees. The homes that were flooded were completely destroyed! Installation had to be removed because of the molding , sheet-rock crumbling because of the dampness, and non-perishable food items had to be thrown away as well, as no clothing to keep warm - everything has to be thrown out. Another important factor, debris everywhere has to be removed which are blocking people's homes and roadways/streets.
Although the Red Cross has been providing food, water and clothing - there are not enough volunteers to go around to distribute these items to so many areas at once. FEMA also have been going to these devastated areas to help with financial assistance because so many people have to be relocated and find temporary shelter for probably several months.
It is hard to imagine this total devastation and to see these areas by media footage does not serve it justice! I however, are one of the "lucky" few that remained with power, electricity/gas, heat, water, food and TV! This is the one time in our life where we as a nation of people need to display our ultimate sacrifice of humanity by helping one another and donating - either money, time, or food/clothing items.
I truly pray for the victims of Hurricane Sandy and all the affected people during this Aftermath ...
In these days after the Hurricane, it is just as chaotic. MTA put up a contingency plan that allowed buses to bring riders/customers to and from the city - for free; which resulted in lines of an hour or more. In a few days after the MTA transit plan, there is now a gas shortage, but not entirely. The gasoline stations have no electricity to pump fuel into vehicles and the ones that did have gas, ran out quickly because people were using the gas to fuel their generators. The shortage of gas came when fuel trucks had no way to enter the two states (NJ/NY) by land or sea. The harbors that would receive fuel/gas by sea, were closed because of potential dangers and a lack of a shore-line. Then came the weather conditions with plummeting temperatures around 30 degrees, which can cause hypothermia especially in a home without power, heat or hot water.
In the meantime, residents of NY & NJ screaming and crying for HELP! They ALL needed assistance with food, water, and shelter - our basic necessities. Some residents saying they have not had food or water for days; not to mention the power outages which are said to last an additional week or two, already without power/electricity for a week. A lack of power/ electricity meant food spoiling in the refrigerator, no gas to cook, no water to bathe or drink, and no heat with the temperatures going down to below 30 degrees. The homes that were flooded were completely destroyed! Installation had to be removed because of the molding , sheet-rock crumbling because of the dampness, and non-perishable food items had to be thrown away as well, as no clothing to keep warm - everything has to be thrown out. Another important factor, debris everywhere has to be removed which are blocking people's homes and roadways/streets.
Although the Red Cross has been providing food, water and clothing - there are not enough volunteers to go around to distribute these items to so many areas at once. FEMA also have been going to these devastated areas to help with financial assistance because so many people have to be relocated and find temporary shelter for probably several months.
It is hard to imagine this total devastation and to see these areas by media footage does not serve it justice! I however, are one of the "lucky" few that remained with power, electricity/gas, heat, water, food and TV! This is the one time in our life where we as a nation of people need to display our ultimate sacrifice of humanity by helping one another and donating - either money, time, or food/clothing items.
I truly pray for the victims of Hurricane Sandy and all the affected people during this Aftermath ...
Thursday, November 1, 2012
My 41st B-Day - Hurricane Sandy
This is an excerpt from my Facebook page that I posted today (October 30, 2012) :
"I remember last year before my 40th Birthday - how emotional I was that I was turning 40!? Then it snowed...
Now on my 41st Birthday - Hurricane Sandy!! As I watched the broadcast last night, and saw the East River come up over the FDR; OMG o_O
( The water went up to 100 ST & First Ave, and I live on 102 ST & Second Ave.)
When I finally got some sleep last night and woke up this morning, I realized how grateful I was to wake up with no flood, power, heat, hot water and TV!
The fact that all of YOU took the time to wish me a 'Happy Birthday' in the midst of devastation means so much to me!
Once again - I am humble, gracious and I Thank You ALL <3 "
How strange it is for me to worry last year about a small thing such as a number; and this year to worry about life and the safety of my children?! If you do not live in the affected areas in NY, NJ, or CT - the pictures are not enough! Even I am horrified to see the images on my TV screen. What's even worst that the people without power are not even fully aware of what is happening around them! To see NJ - Atlantic City under water, was like an image of the Lost City of Atlantis. There are areas in NY & NJ, where the beaches have no shore line. You can not tell the difference of a beach house from a mainland house which met together two-three blocks away. That was when the ocean actually came up on shore and homes were floating away - some as far as the major roads and interstates. The bridges and underground car tunnels look like something from an amusement park, where you are on a huge water ride. The underground subway tunnels were under 6 feet of water. A boat landed on the track of the Metro-North and somehow would have to be removed from the commuter railroad tracks before power is returned.
It is absolutely devastating!! Most of the State of NJ is without power! Areas like Atlantic City and the Jersey Shore underwater and/or flooded . About 4 million people without electricity in NJ, NY & CT. There are parts of NY such as Brooklyn's Coney Island, Queens' Far Rockaway & Breezy Point, Staten Island, & Long Island totally flooded and homes absolutely destroyed...
"I remember last year before my 40th Birthday - how emotional I was that I was turning 40!? Then it snowed...
Now on my 41st Birthday - Hurricane Sandy!! As I watched the broadcast last night, and saw the East River come up over the FDR; OMG o_O
( The water went up to 100 ST & First Ave, and I live on 102 ST & Second Ave.)
When I finally got some sleep last night and woke up this morning, I realized how grateful I was to wake up with no flood, power, heat, hot water and TV!
The fact that all of YOU took the time to wish me a 'Happy Birthday' in the midst of devastation means so much to me!
Once again - I am humble, gracious and I Thank You ALL <3 "
How strange it is for me to worry last year about a small thing such as a number; and this year to worry about life and the safety of my children?! If you do not live in the affected areas in NY, NJ, or CT - the pictures are not enough! Even I am horrified to see the images on my TV screen. What's even worst that the people without power are not even fully aware of what is happening around them! To see NJ - Atlantic City under water, was like an image of the Lost City of Atlantis. There are areas in NY & NJ, where the beaches have no shore line. You can not tell the difference of a beach house from a mainland house which met together two-three blocks away. That was when the ocean actually came up on shore and homes were floating away - some as far as the major roads and interstates. The bridges and underground car tunnels look like something from an amusement park, where you are on a huge water ride. The underground subway tunnels were under 6 feet of water. A boat landed on the track of the Metro-North and somehow would have to be removed from the commuter railroad tracks before power is returned.
It is absolutely devastating!! Most of the State of NJ is without power! Areas like Atlantic City and the Jersey Shore underwater and/or flooded . About 4 million people without electricity in NJ, NY & CT. There are parts of NY such as Brooklyn's Coney Island, Queens' Far Rockaway & Breezy Point, Staten Island, & Long Island totally flooded and homes absolutely destroyed...
Friday, October 26, 2012
Is It The 40s ?
Since I was behind in my blogs, I decided to write another one the week before my Birthday. Sometimes I think birthdays are overrated. Or perhaps it's my view in life or depression of being middle-age. Now I shall be 41 years old and I am in a much better space than I was last year; and by next year I will be in a much better place - literally! I remember thinking to myself last year how I have not completed what I should have accomplished 20 years ago, and became quite ill with myself - full of disappointment. But then I realized after much soul-searching, that things do happen for a reason. For reasons we do not know or understand and might never will, however there is a purpose. I am sure without a doubt I can give you a hundred excuses to why I never fulfilled my goals. We all have them. " I was young and stupid, I did not take it seriously, I was not mature enough, I had no one to guide me, I don't have the money " etc... If we continue to lament over these things we could have, should have and would have done - it will just tear you apart deep down inside.
Instead, you have to look at each experience whether good or bad as a learning experience and learn from it. Turn every negative experience into a positive one. For example, I regret that I never completed college when I should have, but I turned it around and said to myself - I will finish now! I also think perhaps I should have had children younger, but honestly thinking about it - I was not ready. I also realized I have an advantage over most. I watch all my friends have children young (including my parents) and I know what mistakes they had made and what to avoid. I am also more mature, and financially I am more equipped to stay home with my children than my peers were twenty years ago. I must admit sometimes I am a little jealous of my friends and family members who are now "empty-nesters", with some of their kids in college already - but then what would I be doing now? Going out partying and drinking with friends - at this age, does not seem appealing or appropriate to me. I now have to turn down invitations to meet-up and let's hang - but then I say to myself "been there, done that." I am enjoying this life right now for what it is and if you would have asked me year ago I probably would have been sobbing with self-pity. You must turn things around for yourself - because no one is going to do it for you...
I leave you with a quote I wrote on Facebook last year (10/30/2011) on my 40th birthday:
Ode to Myself at 40
I am not where I want to be in my life right now, or where I should be - but I am doing what needs to be done. I have yet accomplished my goals that I set for myself more than 20 years ago - but I will achieve them! I do not know everything, but one thing I know for sure - is that life is too precious, too short, and for some too hard! I Thank GOD everyday and every night for what I do have...
And I humbly THANK you all!
Instead, you have to look at each experience whether good or bad as a learning experience and learn from it. Turn every negative experience into a positive one. For example, I regret that I never completed college when I should have, but I turned it around and said to myself - I will finish now! I also think perhaps I should have had children younger, but honestly thinking about it - I was not ready. I also realized I have an advantage over most. I watch all my friends have children young (including my parents) and I know what mistakes they had made and what to avoid. I am also more mature, and financially I am more equipped to stay home with my children than my peers were twenty years ago. I must admit sometimes I am a little jealous of my friends and family members who are now "empty-nesters", with some of their kids in college already - but then what would I be doing now? Going out partying and drinking with friends - at this age, does not seem appealing or appropriate to me. I now have to turn down invitations to meet-up and let's hang - but then I say to myself "been there, done that." I am enjoying this life right now for what it is and if you would have asked me year ago I probably would have been sobbing with self-pity. You must turn things around for yourself - because no one is going to do it for you...
I leave you with a quote I wrote on Facebook last year (10/30/2011) on my 40th birthday:
Ode to Myself at 40
I am not where I want to be in my life right now, or where I should be - but I am doing what needs to be done. I have yet accomplished my goals that I set for myself more than 20 years ago - but I will achieve them! I do not know everything, but one thing I know for sure - is that life is too precious, too short, and for some too hard! I Thank GOD everyday and every night for what I do have...
And I humbly THANK you all!
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Buying/Deciding on a Home is Difficult?
When I first realized my dream of living in a house was coming true - I was so overwhelmed with emotion! I still am but as I go through the Real Estate listings, I realized it is much more difficult than I thought. Although my mother is purchasing the home cash, there are other expenses like Property Taxes, light & gas, oil & water, HOA fees, CDD fees (if living in a gated community), cable & internet, cell phones, and not to mention food! So you are probably thinking so what's the real problem. Buying a home big enough for 6 people. I have my family of four & my mother has my 18 y/o nephew. And not everyone gets along. My husband and mother have their issues like any other in-laws. However, my issues are deeper than that...
My nephew who lost his mother (my sister) is now 18 and barely finished high school. My dear mother who raised him, spoiled him - rotten. She does not want anyone to say anything to my nephew regardless if it is positive information. And how does he act - untouchable because granny made that possible. Untouchable is putting it mildly. More like ungrateful! He feels because he has all this money from a life insurance policy and a lawsuit settlement - he does not have to earn anything or work for anything. I do not have a problem with his attitude or his selfishness because I am not around him or his "wonderful" personality. But I would not want any of that negative behavior around my children. The worst way of raising a child is giving him everything he asks for and not what he needs - like basic necessities.
I always tell people what you do in your home is your business. Who am I to say anything different? Just like no one can tell me how to run my home. I run a tight camp on a fixed schedule. And that's what works for me. So here I am arguing with my mother about the homes are not big enough for two families unless it is a two-family home. My nephew is allowed to bring his girlfriend over and spend the night, all while not attending classes like he should be! Never held a job or knows how to apply for one. But yet I am suppose to subject my kids to this kind of influence? In less than 10 years my own son will try that sense of reasoning with me when he starts dating. I DON'T THINK SO!
The ironic part - my mother does not see anything wrong with the situation. And states "how can my nephew's life influence my children?!" As I calmly think - how can it not... I slowly realize my dream is awakening me with a delay to my future...
My nephew who lost his mother (my sister) is now 18 and barely finished high school. My dear mother who raised him, spoiled him - rotten. She does not want anyone to say anything to my nephew regardless if it is positive information. And how does he act - untouchable because granny made that possible. Untouchable is putting it mildly. More like ungrateful! He feels because he has all this money from a life insurance policy and a lawsuit settlement - he does not have to earn anything or work for anything. I do not have a problem with his attitude or his selfishness because I am not around him or his "wonderful" personality. But I would not want any of that negative behavior around my children. The worst way of raising a child is giving him everything he asks for and not what he needs - like basic necessities.
I always tell people what you do in your home is your business. Who am I to say anything different? Just like no one can tell me how to run my home. I run a tight camp on a fixed schedule. And that's what works for me. So here I am arguing with my mother about the homes are not big enough for two families unless it is a two-family home. My nephew is allowed to bring his girlfriend over and spend the night, all while not attending classes like he should be! Never held a job or knows how to apply for one. But yet I am suppose to subject my kids to this kind of influence? In less than 10 years my own son will try that sense of reasoning with me when he starts dating. I DON'T THINK SO!
The ironic part - my mother does not see anything wrong with the situation. And states "how can my nephew's life influence my children?!" As I calmly think - how can it not... I slowly realize my dream is awakening me with a delay to my future...
Saturday, October 6, 2012
Relocating (Part II )...
As I mentioned in an earlier post I will be relocating. ( I just don't know where yet?! ) I am so filled with excitement and overwhelmed with joy! An opportunity to make any visions of my dreams to fruition. The problem - my other family members, aunts & cousins. The saddest part of my dreams becoming a reality are family members who will not be "happy" for us! So filled with jealousy and envy that we are unable to tell them that we are relocating before we move. And if we wait until we have already relocated - that hatred would be so powerful! It is a shame that in this day and time one must keep their plans, their dreams, and their future a secret. If I knew for sure that my cousins and my aunts would be thrilled for us I would absolutely love to have a get-together! Another problem with having $ is that family would want a "hand-out" so to speak. A loan or just $ to get-by would be numerous requests but if the table was turned, would they do it for me and my children/family?
There is so much negativity in the world - not just at work among co-workers, but shamefully between family members. Not only is there not trust among us, there is entirely no RESPECT between family members! I do not think it is just a sign of the times, but people have lost their way in life and you can see it and feel it all around. All I can do is pray that when we do decide to tell our family we are leaving or already have relocated, that they would wish us the best. And what really hurts deep down inside - the possibility that NO ONE not even family, would even care that we are gone...
But I give no thought to the negativity and pray about it! All I do know is the fact that where we plan to relocate, arms ready to embrace us with no apprehension - await us...
There is so much negativity in the world - not just at work among co-workers, but shamefully between family members. Not only is there not trust among us, there is entirely no RESPECT between family members! I do not think it is just a sign of the times, but people have lost their way in life and you can see it and feel it all around. All I can do is pray that when we do decide to tell our family we are leaving or already have relocated, that they would wish us the best. And what really hurts deep down inside - the possibility that NO ONE not even family, would even care that we are gone...
But I give no thought to the negativity and pray about it! All I do know is the fact that where we plan to relocate, arms ready to embrace us with no apprehension - await us...
Saturday, September 29, 2012
RELOCATING...
If you can move anywhere in the world where would you live? With $ not being an issue, children/schools are a priority. I always wondered how people just relocate across the country with there whole family?! Going into an unknown territory where you don't know anyone in the town. Like the original pioneers settling in new valleys and making a "foreign" land home. I am sure the original settlers were in search of uncharted land in hopes of finding valuable natural resources (gold), or food, or perhaps a new beginning. Wouldn't we all want a "new beginning" as well? A chance to start over and make things right. A chance to do some things over without people, family or friends, telling you - you can't do it. Looking at the endless possibilities of being a fresh start in your life, or your career - or even a new career altogether. If presented with such an opportunity, what would you do? Would you take the chance and leave everything and/or everyone behind? Would you take that "leap of faith" and move across country from the known to the unknown?
I was presented with such an opportunity. It's not a career move or career change (although it could be a possible career change). It would entail moving my whole family - spouse, kids, mother and teenage nephew. I am actually able to move wherever I want to go - just get ready to leave and pack. Have not decided where to go but I gave myself 9-10 months to decide where I would want to live. I do have to consider my children, especially my autistic son. My spouse is probably just as ready as I am to leave the Big Apple - looking for greener pastures, now that we are reaching our "middle ages." Not a slower pace to live but a nicer place to live.
So I ask you again if you can move anywhere in the world where would you live? and why?
I was presented with such an opportunity. It's not a career move or career change (although it could be a possible career change). It would entail moving my whole family - spouse, kids, mother and teenage nephew. I am actually able to move wherever I want to go - just get ready to leave and pack. Have not decided where to go but I gave myself 9-10 months to decide where I would want to live. I do have to consider my children, especially my autistic son. My spouse is probably just as ready as I am to leave the Big Apple - looking for greener pastures, now that we are reaching our "middle ages." Not a slower pace to live but a nicer place to live.
So I ask you again if you can move anywhere in the world where would you live? and why?
Saturday, September 22, 2012
FAMILY is...
I heard once before "you can choose your Friends but you can not choose your Family." How many of us have Friends that are more like Family than our own family members? As much as I Pray for my Family and try to have patience with them, the more I feel depressed and hurt by them. I am not talking about my immediate family - parents/siblings, I am talking about aunts/uncles and cousins. My father has always emphasized the importance of family. Although I wish I can share his same sentiment, it has proven to be very difficult and stressful at times. Sometimes I feel I am the reason that my family does not communicate with me. I feel it has to be something I have done or did to receive the mistreatment I receive from them. Perhaps I am just misunderstood. And I have to admit, my family can be quite ignorant!
For example, My aunt who no longer lives in NY feels she is better than us because we live in Harlem and she lives in Miami. When she comes to visit, she looks upon my mother and me with pity. Mind you she refuses to stay with us when she comes to NY. She stays only 10 blocks from my residence at a friend's place. And almost every time she comes to visit (which is about once/twice a year), she gets into an argument with my mother. Then she calls me to ask what happened, what did she do wrong?! How about the condescending manner in which she speaks to us?! But for the sake of argument and not to disrespect her, I tell my aunt not to worry about it. I think honesty is the best policy, but at times when you are dealing with ignorant people it is just best to keep silent. Really, if you are an adult you know how one should speak to people and treat them - especially your immediate family. Why would you want your only immediate relative that is left and your only sibling - mad or upset with you?! I have tried different ways to diffuse the situation and tried to resolve issues between my mother and her sister, but I feel the situation is much more deep rooted and a simple resolution will not suffice...
Another example would be the relatives on my father's side of the family. And I will admit - not only are they ignorant but "ghetto." I would opt to use the word uneducated than "ghetto" - but some of them are educated and hard-working. But does educated means that you are no longer ignorant?! They are so many problems or issues on that side of the family - I would have to write a book. I will say one thing that stuck out is an argument I had with a third-cousin. I decided to send e-mails to some relatives and a very close friend, concerning my discontent with them. The close friend never responded, one cousin responded amicably ( I guess trying to diffuse an on-going situation and for clarification), and the last person was my third cousin. She was the most harsh and bitter to say the least; or perhaps because she was the most verbal. She said it was my "attitude" that caused strife between her and me. "I always thought I was better and smarter than everyone". I was the only one (other than my sister) who went to Catholic school my entire childhood and I thought I was better than everyone?! But mind you, this same cousin was the only cousin who was raised in a house and now considers herself a homeowner in her mother's dwelling?! Well, I apologized for my entire childhood that my parents were able to afford for my sister and I to have a good Christian education, and thought the nuns had taught me values and morals ( I guess not)! As much as one tries to resolve a situation, if the other party is not willing to reconcile - it is really fruitless.
I will continue to pray and hope for divine intervention for my family! But at this point in life...
it is what it is.
For example, My aunt who no longer lives in NY feels she is better than us because we live in Harlem and she lives in Miami. When she comes to visit, she looks upon my mother and me with pity. Mind you she refuses to stay with us when she comes to NY. She stays only 10 blocks from my residence at a friend's place. And almost every time she comes to visit (which is about once/twice a year), she gets into an argument with my mother. Then she calls me to ask what happened, what did she do wrong?! How about the condescending manner in which she speaks to us?! But for the sake of argument and not to disrespect her, I tell my aunt not to worry about it. I think honesty is the best policy, but at times when you are dealing with ignorant people it is just best to keep silent. Really, if you are an adult you know how one should speak to people and treat them - especially your immediate family. Why would you want your only immediate relative that is left and your only sibling - mad or upset with you?! I have tried different ways to diffuse the situation and tried to resolve issues between my mother and her sister, but I feel the situation is much more deep rooted and a simple resolution will not suffice...
Another example would be the relatives on my father's side of the family. And I will admit - not only are they ignorant but "ghetto." I would opt to use the word uneducated than "ghetto" - but some of them are educated and hard-working. But does educated means that you are no longer ignorant?! They are so many problems or issues on that side of the family - I would have to write a book. I will say one thing that stuck out is an argument I had with a third-cousin. I decided to send e-mails to some relatives and a very close friend, concerning my discontent with them. The close friend never responded, one cousin responded amicably ( I guess trying to diffuse an on-going situation and for clarification), and the last person was my third cousin. She was the most harsh and bitter to say the least; or perhaps because she was the most verbal. She said it was my "attitude" that caused strife between her and me. "I always thought I was better and smarter than everyone". I was the only one (other than my sister) who went to Catholic school my entire childhood and I thought I was better than everyone?! But mind you, this same cousin was the only cousin who was raised in a house and now considers herself a homeowner in her mother's dwelling?! Well, I apologized for my entire childhood that my parents were able to afford for my sister and I to have a good Christian education, and thought the nuns had taught me values and morals ( I guess not)! As much as one tries to resolve a situation, if the other party is not willing to reconcile - it is really fruitless.
I will continue to pray and hope for divine intervention for my family! But at this point in life...
it is what it is.
Monday, September 17, 2012
ANXIETY...
ANXIETY is such a difficult thing to with if you have it or know someone who suffers from it. I first noticed I had anxiety issues some 20 years back when I was on a long train ride to work. I lasted about six months at the job. If you live in New York you know how crowded the trains are during the morning rush. If the train was too crowded when it pulled into my station I would let it go and wait for the next one to arrive. I did everything I could do to make the time past quickly; music, books, the newspaper, even trying to nap. A I could not wait to run up the steps when I reached my destination to be outside! At that time I was in my 20s and would think to myself this behavior is not normal for my age. It was not until I reached my 30s I realized what was wrong and how to deal with it. I definitely did not want medication which a relative of mine was taking to help with her anxiety issues. It was during the time I was seeking help for my alcohol problems that I realized I was under extreme STRESS. I started deep breathing exercises at home and work, getting more sleep at night, walking before and after work (or just stretching exercises) to relieve the stress and relax more. It actually started to work.
Once I had my sons in my mid-30s, I said to myself - no time for this non-sense when you have kids! Boy was I wrong. Having kids, being a parent or an over worried-some mother does not help one's anxiety. When my youngest son was diagnosed with PDD-nos, which is on the Autism Spectrum - I started to worry more about his quality of life. "What would be his capacity of learning? How would he adjust to school? His teenage years? Then - what would happen to him in his adult life, would he have to be eventually institutionalize if I could not take care of him any more in my senior years? What would happen to him when I past? " All these questions and scenarios entered my mind. And that would definitely make you or me or anyone crazy, even when your kid is "normal." So I started meditating and praying more. Eventually I noticed the progress he was making when he started pre-school and after. To my amazement he was developing well and learning! I still had anxiety issues but I was more confident in him and myself.
Then his first day in Kindergarten at a new school...It was half-day and the school was right behind my building. I was sure it was going to be a great day and year, especially when he was so close to home. As I stood in the playground waiting for his dismissal, something felt a little "off." His class came out but not with his teacher. I was instructed after 20 minutes to go into the school's main entrance. As I stood ad-mist the chaos I hear a school safety agent on his walkie-talkie giving out a description of my son! He, my son was missing?! My heart nearly fell out of my chest and someone must have noticed my emotions about to cave in because they rushed me into the Principal's office. I was in total shock! I could not call anyone - not even my husband or my mother - I forgot everyone's number. I do not even know how long I was in that office when the parent-coordinator received a phone call from her friend who found a child crying in the hallway of his building. The friend happened to be my neighbor who heard my son crying in front of my door! For a total of 55 minutes my son was gone and I could not do anything! As I grabbed my son's hand and and hugged my neighbor - I was still in shock and speechless I might add.
To make a long story short - I am still in the process of retaining an attorney who would take my case against the negligence of the BOE. And needless-to-say, with the very First Day of the school year comes an anxiety attack that starts the week before...
Once I had my sons in my mid-30s, I said to myself - no time for this non-sense when you have kids! Boy was I wrong. Having kids, being a parent or an over worried-some mother does not help one's anxiety. When my youngest son was diagnosed with PDD-nos, which is on the Autism Spectrum - I started to worry more about his quality of life. "What would be his capacity of learning? How would he adjust to school? His teenage years? Then - what would happen to him in his adult life, would he have to be eventually institutionalize if I could not take care of him any more in my senior years? What would happen to him when I past? " All these questions and scenarios entered my mind. And that would definitely make you or me or anyone crazy, even when your kid is "normal." So I started meditating and praying more. Eventually I noticed the progress he was making when he started pre-school and after. To my amazement he was developing well and learning! I still had anxiety issues but I was more confident in him and myself.
Then his first day in Kindergarten at a new school...It was half-day and the school was right behind my building. I was sure it was going to be a great day and year, especially when he was so close to home. As I stood in the playground waiting for his dismissal, something felt a little "off." His class came out but not with his teacher. I was instructed after 20 minutes to go into the school's main entrance. As I stood ad-mist the chaos I hear a school safety agent on his walkie-talkie giving out a description of my son! He, my son was missing?! My heart nearly fell out of my chest and someone must have noticed my emotions about to cave in because they rushed me into the Principal's office. I was in total shock! I could not call anyone - not even my husband or my mother - I forgot everyone's number. I do not even know how long I was in that office when the parent-coordinator received a phone call from her friend who found a child crying in the hallway of his building. The friend happened to be my neighbor who heard my son crying in front of my door! For a total of 55 minutes my son was gone and I could not do anything! As I grabbed my son's hand and and hugged my neighbor - I was still in shock and speechless I might add.
To make a long story short - I am still in the process of retaining an attorney who would take my case against the negligence of the BOE. And needless-to-say, with the very First Day of the school year comes an anxiety attack that starts the week before...
Friday, August 31, 2012
Spiritual or Religious?
I have pondered this thought for some time. Am I Spiritual or Religious? Some people who truly know me will say I am both. My family would say that I am both as well. When you look on the various websites, not just dating websites but Facebook profiles and the like - some people write they are Spiritual and not Religious. Then I said to myself - what's the difference? Growing up as a Catholic I always thought both were intertwined. So I decided had to look it up myself. According to Wikipedia and some other sites, at one point in time both Spirituality and Religion were intertwined. Apparently with the New Millennium Spirituality took on another meaning or approach to Religion. Both are seeking a righteous path to a "Higher Power" but in a different way. The "Religious" are your traditional weekly church going congregation and attend weekly Bible Study groups. While the "Spiritual" are not necessarily against tradition but use a beyond the norm practice of praying by meditation, lighting candles, burning incense - even reading New Age/ self-help books; and the occasional Yoga.
But my question is, do you have to attend a traditional service to be "religious?" So if I like to meditate, practice yoga and read self-help books - I'm no longer considered religious but a "spiritualists?" And is it possible to be both? However if you read some peoples profiles, you get an inclination that they are neither Religious or Spiritual. They believe in GOD and that's as far is their Religion or Spirituality. If you ask me, some of these same people believe in a "GOD" and are neither Religious or Spiritual and never have been.
Sometimes I say to myself, "oh this person believes in a higher power, does not attend church, does not pray, does not own a Bible, and have no idea how to meditate." Now does that make them an atheist?
All I can answer is for myself: I am both Religious and a Spiritualist! I attend Mass weekly, I light candles at home, burn incense (which they do in Catholic Churches), pray and meditate; and I have a Bible at home as well as a Kabbalah, Quran, Wicca, and Chakra books. I also practice Astrology, Numerology, do Tarot readings and follow the ways of my ancestors - the Yoruba people...
Peace Be Unto You,
ACHE
Rocky+
But my question is, do you have to attend a traditional service to be "religious?" So if I like to meditate, practice yoga and read self-help books - I'm no longer considered religious but a "spiritualists?" And is it possible to be both? However if you read some peoples profiles, you get an inclination that they are neither Religious or Spiritual. They believe in GOD and that's as far is their Religion or Spirituality. If you ask me, some of these same people believe in a "GOD" and are neither Religious or Spiritual and never have been.
Sometimes I say to myself, "oh this person believes in a higher power, does not attend church, does not pray, does not own a Bible, and have no idea how to meditate." Now does that make them an atheist?
All I can answer is for myself: I am both Religious and a Spiritualist! I attend Mass weekly, I light candles at home, burn incense (which they do in Catholic Churches), pray and meditate; and I have a Bible at home as well as a Kabbalah, Quran, Wicca, and Chakra books. I also practice Astrology, Numerology, do Tarot readings and follow the ways of my ancestors - the Yoruba people...
Peace Be Unto You,
ACHE
Rocky+
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Death of an Angel
On the eve of my sister's Anniversary, I decided to dedicate this blog to my only sibling Lina...
Two things I know for sure (quoting Oprah), is that DEATH is final and ANGELS always surround us!
I know some Christians state that Death is not the end but the beginning. Try telling that to a mother who lost her child too soon or to a child who will never feel his mother's kisses again. Since I lost my sister in 2003 due to a hospital error, I try to remain rational about it and not bitter. And for some strange reason this was the one time in my life I did not question GOD. Was it because I seen her suffering and knew that Death would ease her pain? Is it because I was raised in the Church and knew their was some religious meaning behind it, and I was not suppose to question GOD? In any event my sister is not here physically but she is definitely my personal ANGEL...
As I type this I laugh because my sister always told me I should write a book. She would come up with all kinds of book titles - sarcastically chronicling my life. If she knew I was beginning to write a weekly blog, she would come up with all kinds of ideas for me to write about and then let everyone know on Facebook to read it! lol.
On an endnote - as my sister lied in the hospital in a medically induced coma, I was about 5 months pregnant. Three months later after her passing, on what would have been her 29th Birthday - I gave birth to my oldest son! How could I be mad at GOD...
R.I.P. Wilkelina Carmen Gonzalez (11/28/74-08/29/03)
(i love you sis - always had and always will)
FORGIVENESS...
For the past few weeks that is all I been hearing. Perhaps I am watching too many religious programs? They say " Forgive so you can be Forgiven," "Forgive them for Yourself not for Them." And I say to myself - Forgive those who have hurt me or did me wrong in order to achieve what?! Have you ever had a friend or a family member or even a co-worker that did something to you so inconceivable that it is Unforgivable?! I can probably write at least 2-3 heart-wrenching stories, that would change the minds of the most honorable Christian into not forgiving. All I know is that Forgiveness must come from within! Not until one gets over the hurt and pain someone else has caused them, it is real hard to FORGIVE.
I prayed a lot in my past and I find myself now praying often, but even prior to that - I have Forgiven people who most would think was not worthy of being Forgiven. It took me a long time. All I can say is that I am at a certain point in my life both mentally and spiritually that Forgiveness is not an issue. I figured if I can Forgive my enemies that maybe HE will Forgive me as well?!
But I do ask myself one thing: Is it still Forgiveness if I just FORGET about the whole situation as if it did not exist in the first place? For example, There once was a Family Dilemma, Ordeal, Situation (I am not even sure what to call it) - which did not end well at all! Instead of going into sordid details, I will just say I dealt with the problem after it happened by ignoring everyone! I chose not to deal with it! Therefore instead of harboring feelings and emotions of resentment, anger, hatred - I Let It Go... I do not know how or why, but I did - while some family members can not even talk about it. And justly so - but as I look around ten years later, I noticed how the bitterness has consumed them. I do not understand myself how I was able to Forgive and Forget?! Perhaps because I chose to avoid it and Forgot about it - that Forgiveness was attainable!!
Take it from me - It Is better to Forget and Forgive...
I prayed a lot in my past and I find myself now praying often, but even prior to that - I have Forgiven people who most would think was not worthy of being Forgiven. It took me a long time. All I can say is that I am at a certain point in my life both mentally and spiritually that Forgiveness is not an issue. I figured if I can Forgive my enemies that maybe HE will Forgive me as well?!
But I do ask myself one thing: Is it still Forgiveness if I just FORGET about the whole situation as if it did not exist in the first place? For example, There once was a Family Dilemma, Ordeal, Situation (I am not even sure what to call it) - which did not end well at all! Instead of going into sordid details, I will just say I dealt with the problem after it happened by ignoring everyone! I chose not to deal with it! Therefore instead of harboring feelings and emotions of resentment, anger, hatred - I Let It Go... I do not know how or why, but I did - while some family members can not even talk about it. And justly so - but as I look around ten years later, I noticed how the bitterness has consumed them. I do not understand myself how I was able to Forgive and Forget?! Perhaps because I chose to avoid it and Forgot about it - that Forgiveness was attainable!!
Take it from me - It Is better to Forget and Forgive...
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
Telling the Truth & Being Honest?
As I was thinking about what to write for my third post, I read an article about an author who wrote about something personal that had happened to her in her life. She said for so many years of being an author she never wrote about something so personal from her life. The reward was liberating just from being Honest. I always felt that "the Truth would set you free." But how candid should one be? As I read the news feed of my many 'fans' on Facebook, I think "oh my how personal are we getting!" I am not talking about my ghetto friends I grew up with in the projects, but some of my most educated elite colleagues. And we are not talking about their debates over politics or religion, but personal issues regarding their relationships. I mean really?! Is there nothing else you can probably write about that can possibly help or inspire someone?!
I must admit I am guilty of this "honesty" thing as well. Just a few weeks ago I wrote about a personal dilemma I had with regards to a surgical procedure I elected to do. Although I was not proud of this decision, none-the-less I felt it had to be done. Mind you, I posted updates of this outpatient procedure that ended up into an overnight admission. I mentioned how I hemorrhaged and needed a blood transfusion, but refused it. I never mentioned what the actual procedure was but I knew one could add 2+2. Was it rewarding? Not the least liberating confessing my sins on a social networking site among 700+ friends. However it did feel comforting to know people actually cared when they commented on my posts.
So is it worth telling the truth and being honest? My guess it would be an individual choice...
I must admit I am guilty of this "honesty" thing as well. Just a few weeks ago I wrote about a personal dilemma I had with regards to a surgical procedure I elected to do. Although I was not proud of this decision, none-the-less I felt it had to be done. Mind you, I posted updates of this outpatient procedure that ended up into an overnight admission. I mentioned how I hemorrhaged and needed a blood transfusion, but refused it. I never mentioned what the actual procedure was but I knew one could add 2+2. Was it rewarding? Not the least liberating confessing my sins on a social networking site among 700+ friends. However it did feel comforting to know people actually cared when they commented on my posts.
So is it worth telling the truth and being honest? My guess it would be an individual choice...
Friday, August 3, 2012
Why is LIFE so Difficult?!
I'm not just saying that in regards to my own personal life, but you can see it all around - at work, on the train, walking the streets, even at church. When I decided to post to my blog weekly, I wanted to (hopefully) inspire people. Give them words of encouragement without sounding "preachy." Sometimes we get all wrapped up in our self-pity, we forget that others we know are going through worst things. I think a part of me is writing this particular post because of all the Violence Against Children crimes here in New York. Seems like every week children are being shot randomly although by accident. I can not even watch the news because of all this Gun Violence. Makes a mother want to keep her children home all the time. Meanwhile the government is crying about the obesity rate among our children in this nation. With everything that is going on in the world who would want to take their kids anywhere? As I think about those words "why is life so difficult" - my heart goes out to the parents who lose their kids in the streets due to gun violence, gangs, drugs & a host of other things. Then I realize my life is not so bad after all! The bills will get paid in time, but for now - I will enjoy my life as simple as possible and with my children...(And the next time I hear my son complain that his life is so horrible because I won't buy him another X-Box, DS, or WII game - I'm going to show him the news.)
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
INTRO...
So I decided to blog/post after all. Let me begin by saying I am a mother with a Special Needs child on the Autism Spectrum - Dx with PDD-NOS. I am also a student. And I hit the big 4-0 several months ago!
Since being Dx with diabetes last year, I been on a weight loss/ change of eating habits/ altering life-style plan. To date, I lost almost 50 pounds and have kept the weight off over a year! I started small first with the grocery shopping and then a few exercise classes - from Ballys to Yoga to Zumba. (Changing my grocery list was easier than the exercise classes.)
Anyway, I was suppose to start this blog as part of one of my Communications classes but did not know what to write about. If you knew me then you would know I can talk about a variety of subjects, endlessly.
Therefore I decided, "well just be myself". I found writing/exchanging e-mails with a few friends of mine is just as cathartic as reading a good book. Except you know someone is actually reading your stuff and perhaps you'll get some feedback.
Will not complain about my life - besides I can be doing much worst...
And just like Oprah says "I don't know everything but what I do know for sure" - is having children has changed my LIFE and for the better. Had I known that having children would make my life so FULFILLING I would not have waited til I was in my 30s! They made me whole and complete, helped me to define myself, deal with ignorant people, and be humble and grateful!...
I surround myself with positive people and positive things as much as humanly possible in this crazy world.
I often find myself helping people, encouraging them and sometimes just lending them an ear or shoulder to cry on...Don't we ALL need that?!...
Since being Dx with diabetes last year, I been on a weight loss/ change of eating habits/ altering life-style plan. To date, I lost almost 50 pounds and have kept the weight off over a year! I started small first with the grocery shopping and then a few exercise classes - from Ballys to Yoga to Zumba. (Changing my grocery list was easier than the exercise classes.)
Anyway, I was suppose to start this blog as part of one of my Communications classes but did not know what to write about. If you knew me then you would know I can talk about a variety of subjects, endlessly.
Therefore I decided, "well just be myself". I found writing/exchanging e-mails with a few friends of mine is just as cathartic as reading a good book. Except you know someone is actually reading your stuff and perhaps you'll get some feedback.
Will not complain about my life - besides I can be doing much worst...
And just like Oprah says "I don't know everything but what I do know for sure" - is having children has changed my LIFE and for the better. Had I known that having children would make my life so FULFILLING I would not have waited til I was in my 30s! They made me whole and complete, helped me to define myself, deal with ignorant people, and be humble and grateful!...
I surround myself with positive people and positive things as much as humanly possible in this crazy world.
I often find myself helping people, encouraging them and sometimes just lending them an ear or shoulder to cry on...Don't we ALL need that?!...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)