Is It The 40s ?

Since I was behind in my blogs, I decided to write another one the week before my Birthday.  Sometimes I think birthdays are overrated.  Or perhaps it's my view in life or depression of being middle-age.  Now I shall be 41 years old and I am in a much better space than I was last year;  and by next year I will be in a much better place - literally!  I remember thinking to myself last year how I have not completed what I should have accomplished 20 years ago, and became quite ill with myself - full of disappointment.  But then I realized after much soul-searching, that things do happen for a reason.  For reasons we do not know or understand and might never will, however there is a purpose.  I am sure without a doubt I can give you a hundred excuses to why I never fulfilled my goals.  We all have them. " I was young and stupid, I did not take it seriously, I was not mature enough, I had no one to guide me, I don't have the money " etc...  If we continue to lament over these things we could have, should have and would have done - it will just tear you apart deep down inside.

Instead, you have to look at each experience whether good or bad as a learning experience and learn from it.  Turn every negative experience into a positive one.  For example, I regret that I never completed college when I should have, but I turned it around and said to myself - I will finish now!  I also think perhaps I should have had children younger, but honestly thinking about it - I was not ready.  I also realized I have an advantage over most.  I watch all my friends have children young (including my parents) and I know what mistakes they had made and what to avoid.  I am also more mature, and  financially I am more equipped to stay home with my children than my peers were twenty years ago.  I must admit sometimes I am a little jealous of my friends and family members who are now "empty-nesters", with some of their kids in college already - but then what would I be doing now?  Going out partying and drinking with friends - at this age,  does not seem appealing or appropriate to me.  I now have to turn down invitations to meet-up and let's hang - but then I say to myself  "been there, done that."  I am enjoying this life right now for what it is and if you would have asked me year ago I probably would have been sobbing with self-pity.  You must turn things around for yourself - because no one is going to do it for you...

I leave you with a quote I wrote on Facebook last year (10/30/2011) on my 40th birthday:

Ode to Myself at 40

I am not where I want to be in my life right now, or where I should be - but I am doing what needs to be done.  I have yet accomplished my goals that I set for myself more than 20 years ago - but I will achieve them!  I do not know everything, but one thing I know for sure - is that life is too precious, too short, and for some too hard!  I Thank GOD everyday and every night for what I do have...
And I humbly THANK you all!


   

Buying/Deciding on a Home is Difficult?

When I first realized my dream of living in a house was coming true - I was so overwhelmed with emotion! I still am but as I go through the Real Estate listings, I realized it is much more difficult than I thought.  Although my mother is purchasing the home cash, there are other expenses like Property Taxes, light & gas, oil & water, HOA fees, CDD fees (if living in a gated community), cable & internet, cell phones, and not to mention food!  So you are probably thinking so what's the real problem.  Buying a home big enough for 6 people.  I have my family of four & my mother has my 18 y/o nephew.  And not everyone gets along.  My husband and mother have their issues like any other in-laws.  However, my issues are deeper than that...

My nephew who lost his mother (my sister) is now 18 and barely finished high school.  My dear mother who raised him, spoiled him - rotten.  She does not want anyone to say anything to my nephew regardless if it is positive information.  And how does he act - untouchable because granny made that possible.  Untouchable is putting it mildly.  More like ungrateful!  He feels because he has all this money from a life insurance policy and a lawsuit settlement - he does not have to earn anything or work for anything.  I do not have a problem with his attitude or his selfishness because I am not around him or his "wonderful" personality.  But I would not want any of that negative behavior around my children.  The worst way of raising a child is giving him everything he asks for and not what he needs - like basic necessities.

I always tell people what you do in your home is your business.  Who am I to say anything different?  Just like no one can tell me how to run my home.  I run a tight camp on a fixed schedule.  And that's what works for me.  So here I am arguing with my mother about the homes are not big enough for two families unless it is a two-family home.  My nephew is allowed to bring his girlfriend over and spend the night, all while not attending classes like he should be!  Never held a job or knows how to apply for one.  But yet I am suppose to subject my kids to this kind of influence?  In less than 10 years my own son will try that sense of reasoning with me when he starts dating.  I DON'T THINK SO!

The ironic part - my mother does not see anything wrong with the situation.  And states "how can my nephew's life influence my children?!"  As I calmly think - how can it not... I slowly realize my dream is awakening me with a delay to my future...

Relocating (Part II )...

As I mentioned in an earlier post I will be relocating.  ( I just don't know where yet?! )  I am so filled with excitement and overwhelmed with joy!  An opportunity to make any visions of my dreams to fruition.  The problem - my other family members, aunts & cousins.  The saddest part of my dreams becoming a reality are family members who will not be "happy" for us!  So filled with jealousy and envy that we are unable to tell them that we are relocating before we move.  And if we wait until we have already relocated - that hatred would be so powerful!  It is a shame that in this day and time one must keep their plans, their dreams, and their future a secret.  If  I knew for sure that my cousins and my aunts would be thrilled for us I would absolutely love to have a get-together!  Another problem with having $ is that family would want a "hand-out" so to speak.  A loan or just $ to get-by would be numerous requests but if the table was turned, would they do it for me and my children/family?

There is so  much negativity in the world - not just at work among co-workers, but shamefully between family members.  Not only is there not trust among us, there is entirely no RESPECT between family members!  I do not think it is just a sign of the times, but people have lost their way in life and you can see it and feel it all around.  All I can do is pray that when we do decide to tell our family we are leaving or already have relocated, that they would wish us the best.  And what really hurts deep down inside - the possibility that NO ONE not even family, would even care that we are gone...

But I give no thought to the negativity and pray about it!  All I do know is the fact that where we plan to relocate, arms ready to embrace us with no apprehension - await us...