If you can move anywhere in the world where would you live? With $ not being an issue, children/schools are a priority. I always wondered how people just relocate across the country with there whole family?! Going into an unknown territory where you don't know anyone in the town. Like the original pioneers settling in new valleys and making a "foreign" land home. I am sure the original settlers were in search of uncharted land in hopes of finding valuable natural resources (gold), or food, or perhaps a new beginning. Wouldn't we all want a "new beginning" as well? A chance to start over and make things right. A chance to do some things over without people, family or friends, telling you - you can't do it. Looking at the endless possibilities of being a fresh start in your life, or your career - or even a new career altogether. If presented with such an opportunity, what would you do? Would you take the chance and leave everything and/or everyone behind? Would you take that "leap of faith" and move across country from the known to the unknown?
I was presented with such an opportunity. It's not a career move or career change (although it could be a possible career change). It would entail moving my whole family - spouse, kids, mother and teenage nephew. I am actually able to move wherever I want to go - just get ready to leave and pack. Have not decided where to go but I gave myself 9-10 months to decide where I would want to live. I do have to consider my children, especially my autistic son. My spouse is probably just as ready as I am to leave the Big Apple - looking for greener pastures, now that we are reaching our "middle ages." Not a slower pace to live but a nicer place to live.
So I ask you again if you can move anywhere in the world where would you live? and why?
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Saturday, September 22, 2012
FAMILY is...
I heard once before "you can choose your Friends but you can not choose your Family." How many of us have Friends that are more like Family than our own family members? As much as I Pray for my Family and try to have patience with them, the more I feel depressed and hurt by them. I am not talking about my immediate family - parents/siblings, I am talking about aunts/uncles and cousins. My father has always emphasized the importance of family. Although I wish I can share his same sentiment, it has proven to be very difficult and stressful at times. Sometimes I feel I am the reason that my family does not communicate with me. I feel it has to be something I have done or did to receive the mistreatment I receive from them. Perhaps I am just misunderstood. And I have to admit, my family can be quite ignorant!
For example, My aunt who no longer lives in NY feels she is better than us because we live in Harlem and she lives in Miami. When she comes to visit, she looks upon my mother and me with pity. Mind you she refuses to stay with us when she comes to NY. She stays only 10 blocks from my residence at a friend's place. And almost every time she comes to visit (which is about once/twice a year), she gets into an argument with my mother. Then she calls me to ask what happened, what did she do wrong?! How about the condescending manner in which she speaks to us?! But for the sake of argument and not to disrespect her, I tell my aunt not to worry about it. I think honesty is the best policy, but at times when you are dealing with ignorant people it is just best to keep silent. Really, if you are an adult you know how one should speak to people and treat them - especially your immediate family. Why would you want your only immediate relative that is left and your only sibling - mad or upset with you?! I have tried different ways to diffuse the situation and tried to resolve issues between my mother and her sister, but I feel the situation is much more deep rooted and a simple resolution will not suffice...
Another example would be the relatives on my father's side of the family. And I will admit - not only are they ignorant but "ghetto." I would opt to use the word uneducated than "ghetto" - but some of them are educated and hard-working. But does educated means that you are no longer ignorant?! They are so many problems or issues on that side of the family - I would have to write a book. I will say one thing that stuck out is an argument I had with a third-cousin. I decided to send e-mails to some relatives and a very close friend, concerning my discontent with them. The close friend never responded, one cousin responded amicably ( I guess trying to diffuse an on-going situation and for clarification), and the last person was my third cousin. She was the most harsh and bitter to say the least; or perhaps because she was the most verbal. She said it was my "attitude" that caused strife between her and me. "I always thought I was better and smarter than everyone". I was the only one (other than my sister) who went to Catholic school my entire childhood and I thought I was better than everyone?! But mind you, this same cousin was the only cousin who was raised in a house and now considers herself a homeowner in her mother's dwelling?! Well, I apologized for my entire childhood that my parents were able to afford for my sister and I to have a good Christian education, and thought the nuns had taught me values and morals ( I guess not)! As much as one tries to resolve a situation, if the other party is not willing to reconcile - it is really fruitless.
I will continue to pray and hope for divine intervention for my family! But at this point in life...
it is what it is.
For example, My aunt who no longer lives in NY feels she is better than us because we live in Harlem and she lives in Miami. When she comes to visit, she looks upon my mother and me with pity. Mind you she refuses to stay with us when she comes to NY. She stays only 10 blocks from my residence at a friend's place. And almost every time she comes to visit (which is about once/twice a year), she gets into an argument with my mother. Then she calls me to ask what happened, what did she do wrong?! How about the condescending manner in which she speaks to us?! But for the sake of argument and not to disrespect her, I tell my aunt not to worry about it. I think honesty is the best policy, but at times when you are dealing with ignorant people it is just best to keep silent. Really, if you are an adult you know how one should speak to people and treat them - especially your immediate family. Why would you want your only immediate relative that is left and your only sibling - mad or upset with you?! I have tried different ways to diffuse the situation and tried to resolve issues between my mother and her sister, but I feel the situation is much more deep rooted and a simple resolution will not suffice...
Another example would be the relatives on my father's side of the family. And I will admit - not only are they ignorant but "ghetto." I would opt to use the word uneducated than "ghetto" - but some of them are educated and hard-working. But does educated means that you are no longer ignorant?! They are so many problems or issues on that side of the family - I would have to write a book. I will say one thing that stuck out is an argument I had with a third-cousin. I decided to send e-mails to some relatives and a very close friend, concerning my discontent with them. The close friend never responded, one cousin responded amicably ( I guess trying to diffuse an on-going situation and for clarification), and the last person was my third cousin. She was the most harsh and bitter to say the least; or perhaps because she was the most verbal. She said it was my "attitude" that caused strife between her and me. "I always thought I was better and smarter than everyone". I was the only one (other than my sister) who went to Catholic school my entire childhood and I thought I was better than everyone?! But mind you, this same cousin was the only cousin who was raised in a house and now considers herself a homeowner in her mother's dwelling?! Well, I apologized for my entire childhood that my parents were able to afford for my sister and I to have a good Christian education, and thought the nuns had taught me values and morals ( I guess not)! As much as one tries to resolve a situation, if the other party is not willing to reconcile - it is really fruitless.
I will continue to pray and hope for divine intervention for my family! But at this point in life...
it is what it is.
Monday, September 17, 2012
ANXIETY...
ANXIETY is such a difficult thing to with if you have it or know someone who suffers from it. I first noticed I had anxiety issues some 20 years back when I was on a long train ride to work. I lasted about six months at the job. If you live in New York you know how crowded the trains are during the morning rush. If the train was too crowded when it pulled into my station I would let it go and wait for the next one to arrive. I did everything I could do to make the time past quickly; music, books, the newspaper, even trying to nap. A I could not wait to run up the steps when I reached my destination to be outside! At that time I was in my 20s and would think to myself this behavior is not normal for my age. It was not until I reached my 30s I realized what was wrong and how to deal with it. I definitely did not want medication which a relative of mine was taking to help with her anxiety issues. It was during the time I was seeking help for my alcohol problems that I realized I was under extreme STRESS. I started deep breathing exercises at home and work, getting more sleep at night, walking before and after work (or just stretching exercises) to relieve the stress and relax more. It actually started to work.
Once I had my sons in my mid-30s, I said to myself - no time for this non-sense when you have kids! Boy was I wrong. Having kids, being a parent or an over worried-some mother does not help one's anxiety. When my youngest son was diagnosed with PDD-nos, which is on the Autism Spectrum - I started to worry more about his quality of life. "What would be his capacity of learning? How would he adjust to school? His teenage years? Then - what would happen to him in his adult life, would he have to be eventually institutionalize if I could not take care of him any more in my senior years? What would happen to him when I past? " All these questions and scenarios entered my mind. And that would definitely make you or me or anyone crazy, even when your kid is "normal." So I started meditating and praying more. Eventually I noticed the progress he was making when he started pre-school and after. To my amazement he was developing well and learning! I still had anxiety issues but I was more confident in him and myself.
Then his first day in Kindergarten at a new school...It was half-day and the school was right behind my building. I was sure it was going to be a great day and year, especially when he was so close to home. As I stood in the playground waiting for his dismissal, something felt a little "off." His class came out but not with his teacher. I was instructed after 20 minutes to go into the school's main entrance. As I stood ad-mist the chaos I hear a school safety agent on his walkie-talkie giving out a description of my son! He, my son was missing?! My heart nearly fell out of my chest and someone must have noticed my emotions about to cave in because they rushed me into the Principal's office. I was in total shock! I could not call anyone - not even my husband or my mother - I forgot everyone's number. I do not even know how long I was in that office when the parent-coordinator received a phone call from her friend who found a child crying in the hallway of his building. The friend happened to be my neighbor who heard my son crying in front of my door! For a total of 55 minutes my son was gone and I could not do anything! As I grabbed my son's hand and and hugged my neighbor - I was still in shock and speechless I might add.
To make a long story short - I am still in the process of retaining an attorney who would take my case against the negligence of the BOE. And needless-to-say, with the very First Day of the school year comes an anxiety attack that starts the week before...
Once I had my sons in my mid-30s, I said to myself - no time for this non-sense when you have kids! Boy was I wrong. Having kids, being a parent or an over worried-some mother does not help one's anxiety. When my youngest son was diagnosed with PDD-nos, which is on the Autism Spectrum - I started to worry more about his quality of life. "What would be his capacity of learning? How would he adjust to school? His teenage years? Then - what would happen to him in his adult life, would he have to be eventually institutionalize if I could not take care of him any more in my senior years? What would happen to him when I past? " All these questions and scenarios entered my mind. And that would definitely make you or me or anyone crazy, even when your kid is "normal." So I started meditating and praying more. Eventually I noticed the progress he was making when he started pre-school and after. To my amazement he was developing well and learning! I still had anxiety issues but I was more confident in him and myself.
Then his first day in Kindergarten at a new school...It was half-day and the school was right behind my building. I was sure it was going to be a great day and year, especially when he was so close to home. As I stood in the playground waiting for his dismissal, something felt a little "off." His class came out but not with his teacher. I was instructed after 20 minutes to go into the school's main entrance. As I stood ad-mist the chaos I hear a school safety agent on his walkie-talkie giving out a description of my son! He, my son was missing?! My heart nearly fell out of my chest and someone must have noticed my emotions about to cave in because they rushed me into the Principal's office. I was in total shock! I could not call anyone - not even my husband or my mother - I forgot everyone's number. I do not even know how long I was in that office when the parent-coordinator received a phone call from her friend who found a child crying in the hallway of his building. The friend happened to be my neighbor who heard my son crying in front of my door! For a total of 55 minutes my son was gone and I could not do anything! As I grabbed my son's hand and and hugged my neighbor - I was still in shock and speechless I might add.
To make a long story short - I am still in the process of retaining an attorney who would take my case against the negligence of the BOE. And needless-to-say, with the very First Day of the school year comes an anxiety attack that starts the week before...
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