ANXIETY is such a difficult thing to with if you have it or know someone who suffers from it. I first noticed I had anxiety issues some 20 years back when I was on a long train ride to work. I lasted about six months at the job. If you live in New York you know how crowded the trains are during the morning rush. If the train was too crowded when it pulled into my station I would let it go and wait for the next one to arrive. I did everything I could do to make the time past quickly; music, books, the newspaper, even trying to nap. A I could not wait to run up the steps when I reached my destination to be outside! At that time I was in my 20s and would think to myself this behavior is not normal for my age. It was not until I reached my 30s I realized what was wrong and how to deal with it. I definitely did not want medication which a relative of mine was taking to help with her anxiety issues. It was during the time I was seeking help for my alcohol problems that I realized I was under extreme STRESS. I started deep breathing exercises at home and work, getting more sleep at night, walking before and after work (or just stretching exercises) to relieve the stress and relax more. It actually started to work.
Once I had my sons in my mid-30s, I said to myself - no time for this non-sense when you have kids! Boy was I wrong. Having kids, being a parent or an over worried-some mother does not help one's anxiety. When my youngest son was diagnosed with PDD-nos, which is on the Autism Spectrum - I started to worry more about his quality of life. "What would be his capacity of learning? How would he adjust to school? His teenage years? Then - what would happen to him in his adult life, would he have to be eventually institutionalize if I could not take care of him any more in my senior years? What would happen to him when I past? " All these questions and scenarios entered my mind. And that would definitely make you or me or anyone crazy, even when your kid is "normal." So I started meditating and praying more. Eventually I noticed the progress he was making when he started pre-school and after. To my amazement he was developing well and learning! I still had anxiety issues but I was more confident in him and myself.
Then his first day in Kindergarten at a new school...It was half-day and the school was right behind my building. I was sure it was going to be a great day and year, especially when he was so close to home. As I stood in the playground waiting for his dismissal, something felt a little "off." His class came out but not with his teacher. I was instructed after 20 minutes to go into the school's main entrance. As I stood ad-mist the chaos I hear a school safety agent on his walkie-talkie giving out a description of my son! He, my son was missing?! My heart nearly fell out of my chest and someone must have noticed my emotions about to cave in because they rushed me into the Principal's office. I was in total shock! I could not call anyone - not even my husband or my mother - I forgot everyone's number. I do not even know how long I was in that office when the parent-coordinator received a phone call from her friend who found a child crying in the hallway of his building. The friend happened to be my neighbor who heard my son crying in front of my door! For a total of 55 minutes my son was gone and I could not do anything! As I grabbed my son's hand and and hugged my neighbor - I was still in shock and speechless I might add.
To make a long story short - I am still in the process of retaining an attorney who would take my case against the negligence of the BOE. And needless-to-say, with the very First Day of the school year comes an anxiety attack that starts the week before...
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