November 28th...

Today would have been my sister Lina's 38th birthday!  She has been gone now for 9 years.  However, I do not have to keep track of this time because my son - Martin was born on her birthday (three months after she passed).  This is what some would call the bitter-sweet?  Not really sure what that means, but I often hear people express that to me.  Am I supposed to be happy today or sad?  I can not help to laugh when I look at my son at times and his mannerisms and gestures are so much like my sister!  What is even more hysterical is when my sister said one time "when she died she wanted to come back as a man" and seek her revenge.  lol.  Only those close to us would understand that remark.

During this time, I also think of the emptiness my nephew must be feeling!  I try to empathize and/or sympathize with him.  Now at 18 years old, all one would see is a hollow shell.  A good kid who has lost his way in life - literally.  No soul; a look of being misplaced and mistaken.  One can only reason with him to see that the only reasoning is PRAYER.  Lately, I feel that is all I can do.  I can not help to contemplate on the past 9 years - what could I've done, what should I've done, and more importantly - what can I do NOW?!

For the past 9 years, family and friends have come and gone!  Nothing has changed, nothing new.  I realized in my ignorance I could not expect people to do what they were not doing all along.  At one point, I found myself apologizing for people's lack of support and ignorance - when I too was to blame.  But I won't take all the blame!

So I go on and celebrate LIFE (my son's life) the way my sister would have wanted it.  And continue to pray earnestly for my nephew...