The Difficult Spouses

The conversation I dread having with my spouse is always about my ex-spouse.  Why we always end up on a conversation about him is beyond me.  But it never fails a few weeks will not go by without a mere reference to him.  I do not think the current spouse is jealous of the ex-spouse but I do think he is intimidated of the relationship I had with him.  Of course I thought I was in love with my ex-spouse, but I was younger and did not make wise choices.  Besides, I can not be in love with someone who does not love me!  When a person gets remarried a second even a third time, you should have it all together by then.  You should be older, wiser and more confident in making the right choice.  And from a woman's perspective, we tend to look for someone who is not like the first spouse - in every way.

Well recently my ex-spouse suffered a brain aneurysm and is in a hospital upstate.  The doctors operated on his brain and then they called for the next-of-kin.  He is currently in ICU in Critical!  When I got the call from my ex sister-in-law, I did not know what to say?!  I am actually still in shock.  I have not been able to sleep or eat.  The worst is I do not have anyone to talk to about it.  How can I go to the current spouse and tell him how hurt or traumatized I feel!  I can talk to my mother because she is overly melodramatic.  And God forbid my ex-spouse shall die - do I go to the funeral or not?  Do I have the right to go; or do they ( the ex in-laws) even want me to go?!  I mean, they did call to inform me in which they could have just said "f*ck her".  This has been the most agonizing two days.  And why should I be so concerned?  Well I am human, and a lost of life is never a pleasant circumstance.

Another problem is that my oldest son is the biological son of my ex-spouse.  Everyone knows because my ex-husband requested a DNA test from me in Family Court.  I had relations with my ex-spouse after I filed for a Divorce, and the result was my oldest son.  Therefore when I received the results of the DNA, I made sure the ex in-laws received a copy - all of them!  However, my current spouse raised him and my son thinks that is his real father.  So if my son never met his biological father and he dies, why tell him now?  My son is 9 years old and at a very impressionable age, and very mature.  This is another reason why my ex in-laws are not too happy about the situation.  They know my oldest son does not know the truth.  But yet they have never made an effort to come see him or even call him - never mind a gift for his birthday or holidays.  So why do I have to explain myself now or make excuses?  I ask myself this often.  And I tell myself that I should not feel guilty for what I've done...

My ex-spouse was not a good man nor a decent human being - but I did loved him at one time, in love with him to be specific!  It was just a shame that he would never had known what it is to be truly in-love someone because of the demons he was chasing.  When we broke up, I told him "I did not hate him nor despised him, and I wished him All The Best."  (everyone makes mistakes)  And the last words he said to me was "I loved you before we got married, I loved you while we were married and I loved you after we got divorced."                        

That is something I will always keep dear to my heart in memory of him...