This is not just everthing I wanted to tell my mother but couldn't! But doing so in a respectful manner. It comes to a point in your life when you say "enough is enough. I am in control of my life - not you or anyone else" ...
As a child I was always annoyed, bothered, and sometimes stressed. My father did not notice this, but what he did tell me is that as I got older I would harbor ill feelings towards people and at the wrong time I would finally explode. I now realize that people or family who irritated me then still irritate me. So I made a conscious decision to give them a piece of my mind and now I have peace. I do not tolerate ignorance or nonsense and closed those chapters in my life, of people and/ or family members who do not share the same values or thought processes as myself. In other words, I stay away from negativity and only allow those around me who are positive. I have far fewer friends now in my 40s than in my 20s. I even have far lesser family members that I associate with or even speak to, and I do not feel any bit of shame or sorrow.
Anyway the situation that arised which prompted this blog, was an argument about my husband and how he talks to my oldest son. My husband is not the biological father of my eldest son, my ex-spouse is who is currently in a correctional facility for a Life-term sentence. I explained to my mother calmly that my son is in the 4th grade and is slacking off and needs stern discipline. If I did not agree with his form of discipline then I would not allow it! This is the second time she mentioned this to me that "he is not his real father and has no right to talk to him in any kind of way!" WHAT?! This is the same man that has bought him shoes, boots, sneakers, coats, clothes, hats & scarves. And has spent time with him playing basketball, games, doing homework, taking care of him when he is sick, and picks him up from school. Another problem with this situation is that my son does not know that my husband is not his biological father. And I do not feel he should know right now. I do not want him to think he can disrespect the man who has raised him. And I do not want him to feel any kind of indifference toward his younger brother. And honestly, I am not ready to tell him or have that conversation with him. As far as the ex-inlaws are concerned, they have never given me anything for my son - not even a phone call for his birthday or Christmas. So why would I want to expose him to them? Mind you my mother insists on telling him the truth! For what purpose, how could that possibly help him in life? If anything it might hurt him, depress him, and cause him to even be bitter.
I am so through with this situation!
I really would like to give my mother a good tongue lashing but what would that prove, how would that help and it would just make a trivial situation worst?!
There is so much more I would like to express to my mother but I think I will take a pen to paper and then mail it to her...
(Thanks for listening to me.)
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